A Difficult Moment on Big Brother
Last night’s episode of Big Brother felt like watching a car crash. The situation took a turn when the housemates played a game of spin-the-bottle-style truth or dare. When it landed on Zelah, who is a trans man, fellow housemate Caroline asked him: “If you had a c**k what would you do with it?”
Awkwardly laughing it off, Zelah responded by saying he would ‘helicopter’ it. Then when the bottle landed on Nancy, who identifies as pansexual, Caroline – who is “quite good friends” with Nigel Farage – piped up again: “If you could shag anyone in this house… You’re on a desert island, there’s one person left. You might be able to make babies to form a new civilisation. Who would you shag?”
Nancy eventually responded that she was most attracted to Zelah, to which Caroline yelled: “She’s a girl!” The reaction from the housemates said it all: hands over faces, audible groans – a collective ‘oh no’ moment destined for the cringe hall of fame.
Caroline then quickly added: “But you haven’t got a willy, have you?” As a trans person, watching this whole interaction unfold was painful – not just because it was awkward, but because it was familiar. Many of us have been there: trapped in a conversation that starts with “I just want to understand” and ends in pure absurdity.
Understanding and Respect
Like Zelah, I try to stay patient when people have genuine questions. For example, I did a talk with over 350 students this week about being trans. They asked all sorts of questions – some more invasive than others such as what changing room I used, to whether or not I’d had surgery. But I felt like they genuinely listened and took on board what I was saying, especially about simply respecting people for who they are.
There’s a world of difference between wanting to understand and flat-out refusing to respect who someone is. That’s why I’ve got all the time in the world for open conversations – as long as they come from mutual respect and wanting to learn.
A Lesson in Respect
In the aftermath of the Big Brother interaction, Caroline got a formal warning. To her credit, she apologised profusely and accepted it without question – she seems regretful, and that’s something. A sneak preview of tonight’s episode during yesterday’s Big Brother: Late and Live showed Zelah and Caroline hugging it out after he received an apology. So I’m glad there seems to be a resolution.
But the interaction proves an awful reality for a lot of trans people, that our boundaries are often pushed further and further, until a deeply uncomfortable situation occurs.
Patience and Expectations
And despite how ridiculous questions and conversations become, it seems like we are always expected to respond with the patience of a saint, because god forbid trans people get annoyed or angry. Of course, conflict makes good telly and sometimes conversations can really help people understand. But it’s always telling who pays the price for it.
Unfortunately, Caroline’s blunder isn’t the only anti-LGBTQ+ controversy surrounding the show right now. Earlier this week, George thought mocking Sam – an openly queer person – and his mannerisms was somehow acceptable. Sam nailed it when he compared it to the homophobic bullying he faced at school because that’s exactly what it was.
In the aftermath, George was given a formal warning for that incident, but has since been reportedly pulled from the house today over further ‘unacceptable language and behaviour’. To me, this feels long overdue. It’s unfortunate that both of these incidents happened and I’m glad that something was done to reprimand George.
A Teachable Moment
As for Caroline, I want this to be a teachable moment – not just for her, but for others like her, watching at home. It’s important to create space for people to make mistakes so they can grow and learn from it. But it only works if those people actually want to make amends and change their behaviour.
Zelah has handled this situation impeccably and I couldn’t be more proud of him representing the trans community like he’s done. And I couldn’t think of anything better than him being crowned the winner of the show.
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