Louis Tomlinson has shared a deeply emotional reflection on the tragic passing of his One Direction bandmate, Liam Payne. The singer, who passed away at the age of 31 in October last year after falling from the third-floor balcony of a hotel room in Buenos Aires, left behind a legacy that continues to resonate with family, friends, and fans.
A year later, Louis has opened up for the first time about the profound impact of Liam’s death, describing it as “unjust and frustrating.” During an interview on Steven Bartlett’s Diary of a CEO podcast, he revealed that he was in a car in Los Angeles when he received the news through Niall Horan.
This isn’t the first time Louis has faced intense grief. In December 2016, his mother Johannah Deakin passed away from leukemia at the age of 43. Three years later, in March 2019, his younger sister Félicité died from an accidental overdose. Reflecting on these losses, Louis said, “I had the same feeling that I had with Félicité, and I think anyone has this when they’re around someone who’s struggling; my 150% wasn’t nearly enough.”
He added, “And that’s when it’s my own arrogance thinking that I could have helped really, because it was so much deeper than what I could have done for him. He was definitely struggling at that time in his life.” Louis also admitted he always worried about Payne, whom he called the “closest thing to a brother” in his life. “I love him deeply, could spend hours and hours and hours with him, but there was an element of always checking in and just making sure that he was cool like that,” he explained.
While other One Direction members were there for chats, it was Payne who Louis confided in on a deeper level. “Between me and the other boys, not that it’s not emotional because it is, and it’s definitely deeper than surface level, but I would struggle to text the other boys as much,” he said. “It’s all just a bit small talk. Which is lovely, and it’s nice to catch up like that, but me and Liam would always speak on a much more deep level.”
This comes after Liam spoke out about Payne’s death for the first time in a Rolling Stone UK interview. “You know, there’s still a level in my head [where it feels] unjust and frustrating that he’s not with us anymore,” he said. “So, it just brought up those feelings, although I’m still living with them anyway.”
Louis also reflected on how losing Liam was particularly difficult, despite his previous experiences with grief. “It was really, really, impossibly difficult for me to deal with losing Liam,” he shared. “Naively, I thought that because at this point, I’m relatively well versed in grief for my age, that it might soften the blow. [That was] super-naive. It’s very different. I’ve never lost a friend before.”
Speaking about Payne, Louis believed he was a “very misunderstood person from a public perspective.” “If there is ever any judgment on his character, I think nine times out of 10, you can reflect on that, and the reflection is that he was someone who just wanted to be liked,” he said.
Earlier this year, fans around the world celebrated the 15th anniversary of One Direction’s formation on The X Factor. However, reflecting on the milestone, Louis found it “very uncomfortable” at the time. “But he added: ‘The [collective] feeling to celebrate is as important, if not more important than ever, on behalf of Liam.’”
The day after Payne’s death, One Direction released a joint statement on social media. Louis, along with Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, and Niall Horan, expressed their devastation. “In time, and when everyone is able to, there will be more to say. But for now, we will take some time to grieve and process the loss of our brother, who we loved dearly. The memories we shared with him will be treasured forever. For now, our thoughts are with his family, his friends, and the fans who loved him alongside us. We will miss him terribly. We love you Liam,” they wrote.
Louis also shared an individual tribute, highlighting the positive impact Liam had on his life. “Liam was somebody I looked up to everyday, such a positive, funny, and kind soul. I first met Liam when he was 16 and I was 18, I was instantly amazed by his voice but more importantly as time went on, I got a chance to see the kind brother I’d longed all my life for.”
He continued, “Liam was an incredible songwriter with a great sense of melody; we often spoke of getting back in the studio together to try and recreate the writing chemistry we had built up in the band. And for the record, Liam was in my opinion the most vital part of One Direction. His experience from a young age, his perfect pitch, his stage presence, his gift for writing. The list goes on. Thank you for shaping us Liam.”
Louis concluded with a heartfelt message to Liam, saying, “I feel beyond lucky to have had you in my life but I’m really struggling with the idea of saying goodbye. I’m so grateful that we got even closer since the band, speaking on the phone for hours, reminiscing about all the thousands of amazing memories we had together is a luxury I thought I’d have with you for life. I would have loved to share the stage with you again, but it wasn’t to be. I want you to know that if Bear ever needs me, I will be the uncle he needs in his life and tell him stories of how amazing his dad was. I wish I got chance to say goodbye and tell you one more time how much I loved you. Payno, my boy, one of my best friends, my brother, I love your mate. Sleep well X.”
